on being mom.

well life's just flying by...again.

it's a good life. busy as heck. but a good life.

thinking that life was going to somehow slow down once the kids were back in school, was definitely just a wish upon a star i guess.
it's probably gotten much busier.

because, i mean the housework doesn't stop, my job cannot be placed on hold, my ministry is still going on, but on top of it all, now there is an immense amount of paperwork to be signed, supplies to still be bought as new projects come up, children to be picked up at different times because of different schools and activities, homework to be checked, kids to get to bed,...

if you felt a tad exhausted from that run on sentence, then you can probably catch a glimpse of the busyness around here and may i say, exhaustion.

but you know what?

i like it.

no, i haven't lost my marbles. at least not yet. but sometime in the last two weeks i had an epiphany of sorts.

as i was making various phone calls to the school nurse, my pediatrician's office, running around to get some paperwork signed, and getting last minute supplies, i realized: i'm needed. i'm depended on.

my kids rely on me to get these things done.
dad works full time, but even then, doesn't mom usually get this privilege?

as their mom, they KNOW they can count on me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off for them. to make sure they can get enrolled in athletics. to make sure they can join an after school program without worrying if someone will be there to pick them up, or to help them in that tricky math problem.

sure it may be exhausting at times. Lord knows that i don't always have a big ol smile on my face as i'm running to the store because someone forgot to tell me they needed something. BUT to know that they know that i'm mom and they can count on me, it's priceless to me.

so the rest of the year may never really slow down, because then again, what mom does?

 

 

XOXO,

LEAH

 

 

 



mother's day.

so i thought i would stop by this space of mine, that i've been neglecting over the past few weeks.
honestly, it hasn't been my intention. i love blogging, but it has somehow taken a back seat for the moment as i try to be more present at home and placing my time on other things that have taken priority.
it's funny, because i've noticed the same among other bloggers i love. i guess life has a way of doing that, huh?

while i'm here i just wanted to share my mother's day. it was a sweet one and my littlest one said happy mother's day like twenty times throughout the day, it was the sweetest.

my mother came over for breakfast and the kiddos made her some cards. on one of the cards my daughter made her she thanked her for being like a mother to her as well. i loved that.
my mom has always been there and literally has raised my kids alongside me. to know my children don't view her as a grandmother only, but as a mom as well, really is such a blessing to me.

after they left, i napped for a few hours, which if you know me, i like my sleep. however, i always feel like i wasted hours of the day if i take naps, so i try not to. i don't know what it is though, sunday i was so tired!
my daughter set out to pamper her mama. she grabbed my face mask and applied it on my face. gave me her own version of a back massage with karate chops down my back, and insisted on doing my make up. as a girl, she truly knows what a girl needs to feel pampered!

finally in the afternoon, we went out for dinner. i love our family dinners. i love seeing my family around the table, chatting, eating endless bowls of chips, and just enjoying each other.
this motherhood gig, it's never really come easy for me. i've struggled, felt guilty at not doing it right, felt like pulling my hair out on numerous occasions, and felt i was truly screwing things up.

but it's in those moments, when i see their smiles and i realize they truly are happy kids, and they truly do feel loved, that i am reassured that it's okay. i'm doing an okay job which is filled with God's grace. otherwise i would've gone crazy by now! haha.

how was your mother's day?

content.

it's funny how things change over the years, isn't it?

i used to be the mom that wanted more. the mom that wanted to have a high end career, an important role outside of the home. i wanted to be the mom that was always made up, with pencil skirts, stilletos and pretty blouses.

i wanted to be the mom that others mom wanted to be like. the one running the show so to speak.

today, as i sit here at my desk eating my avocado sandwhich, my present couldn't be far more different than what at one point i wanted to be.
my mom uniform always consists of jeans that if i admit are a little bit more highwaisted than the cool jeans and a tshirt or sweater.
my make up consistis of mascara and eyeliner which most days appears smudged and undone.
my hair is usually in a ponytail or bun.
stilletos are ridiculous to think about during my day. right now my feet are ever so happy in my flat sandals from old navy.

and today i crave community with other moms. community that encourages each other, prays for one another, heck even cries with one another at spilled milk.

it's crazy what being a mom does to you. it brings you out of the clouds and places your feet hard on reality.

but i wouldn't trade it for the world. give me my messy bun and flats any day. give me having to go home to three crazy kiddos who leave mess all over the place. i can truly say i'm content.

i blinked.

yes, i  know it's cliche to say time flies by so quickly as we watch our children grow. but it really does feel like i blinked and the little guy that gave me the honor to be called a mother for the first time eleven years ago, is now a preteen who stands as tall as my shoulders.

be quiet.

lately i've been thinking about life a lot, and the little lessons here and there that i've learned. some not so hard, and some that have knocked the life out of me.

learning to be quiet is one of them. being quiet doesn't come quite easy for me. it's a bit ironic, because i like quiet time referring to the environment around me. no noise, no people.
 but i, myself, don't really know how to be quiet and listen. even when it's just me. even if i'm alone, my mind will be going at a hundred miles per hour and just won't stop. and it's done more harm than not, a lot of the time.
see, if my mind is going at a hundred miles an hour, it doesn't have time to reflect on the circumstances, or the intention of the people around me. and i tend to spew out what my mind immediately thinks of, at times when i should really just be quiet and reflect.

// i think i've shared a couple of times here my heart for my marriage. we have a story. quite a story i tell ya. and it didn't begin with wedding bells, or a fairy tale synopsis. we were young, what can i say. young, immature, blunt, and competitive. as in always wanting to win a fight. always having the last word. throwing out the harshest comment to be up one. for years it was like that, until i realized it was spiraling out of control.

source

then one day, just like that, i tried it. i stood quiet. i listened and reflected.
sure the hot tears were stinging because of anger and pain and just wanting to blurt out my words. but many times before those words had caused much damage and were not ones i could take back. being quiet, breathing in, and giving a gentle answer which at many times was in the form of no answer at all, has made a world of difference in my marriage. no wait, a universe of difference from both parts. him and i.

we sometimes want the last word, if they unintentionally hurt, we want to say our words that might give us the lead score. but it never made me feel like a winner. it made me feel like a jerk. every time.

 with the kiddos, it tends to happen as well. i speak too quickly, yell too quickly, assume too quickly. just because i'm the parent, doesn't ever mean my words are the only ones that matter. in fact, their words are really the most important. to lead them, i must understand them. can't do that if i'm doing all the talking. or yelling in some cases. i know i sound like a bad mom, but i'm just another mom trying to figure this whole thing out. with them i need to take that time to be quiet and reflect.

//come to think of it, it's so necessary to just be quiet sometimes and reflect. with friends instead of judging too quickly, just be quiet and hear their story, their heart. quiet your mind down for a few moments. and with God, oh with God, how come I just can't shut up for crying out loud? how come i always want to insert my two cents and not just be quiet and let Him speak? .................... it's a constant struggle, but i'm getting better at it. everyone has something to say, but not everything is to build up or encourage. today i choose to be quiet and reflect.

how about you, do you have a hard time being quiet?

linking up:

home + heart

a mother is.

you can read books to know what to expect while you're expecting. you can read books on the best way to parent. you can read on the do's and dont's of parenthood. but let me tell you something. motherhood isn't learned in books. motherhood is learned from the heart.

the art of homemaking.

you know, the other day while baking my first bread from scratch, i came to a realization.
and it's kind of fitting that my realization came to me in the kitchen as i pulled out that warm, perfectly baked bread.

i realize that i love being a homemaker.

although, as i type that, i don't really fully feel like one as i do work outside the home part time.
but, the hours i spend at home grumbling at every moment i have to yet sweep again and piles of laundry that get higher and higher, ironically are the ones that fulfil me the most.
and my husband says i'm complicated with my thoughts, pssh. don't know what he's talking about.

sure, there are days when i wish i could scrunch up my nose, wiggle it and have a chef, maid, and nanny appear before my eyes, but we all have those days.
we all want a little break here and there, and i'm no exception, but nonetheless, i really like taking care of my home and family, and i'm so thankful i have the ability to do so.
i know there are some women who have always dreamed of tailored blazers and pencil skirts while discussing company politics in a board room with colleagues which most are males, but me? i'm content in the middle of my living room with laundry piles for five and an oven which is baking chicken for my hungry brood.
i'm so exciting, i know.
but there's just something in knowing that as a woman i am seen as a caretaker and provider to the family God has provided me with. it's a job to be held with high esteem i tell you. if i could be so daring to say it is an art itself.
you create all the while: making the beds, preparing a warm, homemade meal, cuddling and snuggling your babes, all to create a warm home for their heart.
so if you're a homemaker and ever feel like you're not enough, let me tell you woman. you have that special touch to keep your home running smoothly and to create a safe haven for your children and husband.
sometimes it feels like you are taken for granted when socks are left everywhere and somehow the floor seems like a good place to spill milk like it's a sport, but you are loved and needed more than you know.
today, as i tackle every chore, discipline, and care for my family, i will remember there's nothing else like it. for that i am so very thankful.

ps. the bread was baked about two weeks ago. just to be clear that i'm not indulging in bread after yesterday's post! haha)

linking up with:

Desire to Inspire
oh so thankful
Through the Eyes of a...

on spring + motherhood. (link up)

lately there's been a lot of tension in our home among the kiddos. it's exhausting. from the moment we rise, on the way to school, coming home, it's sibling rivalry to a crazy level.

yesterday as i was driving to work with tears flooding my eyes, i just simply told the Lord, 'i don't know how to do this mom thing.'

sacrificing for them.

motherhood: the greatest and most difficult unpaid yet rewarding job.

an affirming nod, an amen or standing ovation to that statement would be acceptable. because it is. some days you wanna pull your hair out, book a one way ticket to the Fiji islands and some days you are filled with overwhelming joy to hear the word 'mom' come out from the little people you brought into the world.

puppy love.

so my oldest has a girlfriend crush.
as i type that i can't help but smile because although i think it's crazy, i also can't be that crazy mom who wants to knock on the little girl's door and tell her to leave my son alone
well i guess i can, but my son has begged me not to.

a princess turns eight.

Today my little princess turns eight.

Eight years ago I received a little princess in my arms, tiny and precious.

As I watch her grow up, I realize in a few more years I will have a teenager running around asking for make up, wanting to go shopping with her friends.

But until then, she is still my little girl who I can do mommy and daughter pedi's with, play scrabble with and dance around with.

Until then, she looks up to me and I realize it's one of the greatest responsibilities as a mother that I have.

For now, she is just eight. And we might eat eight cupcakes each to celebrate.

Real mini cupcakes for mommy's sake.

Mommy loves you baby to the moon and back times infinity.

snowflake?

It's a kinda crazy roller coaster. This motherhood thing. One minute you're way in over your head and the next you're just laughing inside and smiling from ear to ear.


this morning, as i am trying to get everyone out the door, my ten year old informs me his reading assignment is not completed!
i'm trying to work really, really hard on not yelling but talking sternly. so i do just that. talk as sternly as possible, at times talking through my teeth....and in the middle of it all, he pulls out a folded cut up paper from his pocket and hands it out to me.

'snowflake?' he says.

perplexed i look at him and say: 'what??'

'snowflake. you want a snowflake?'

his little peace offering. how could i not. wow. these kids are something else and how can i not let them have my entire heart?

may your day be filled with snowflakes friends. have a beautiful weekend!

baby fever.

five to ten diaper changes a day. spit up milk stains on my shirts. loading, unloading strollers as the biggest pain in the butt. no, no wait having to pack a diaper bag even to go for a quick store run. that was probably it.

 but then, the baby fat rolls on their arms and legs. their sweet baby scent that i loved to inhale. the innocent and most beautiful smile ever for their momma. their coo's and sweet babbling from their crib, signaling a new day. the awkward and unsure first steps that filled my heart with excitement. their eyes locked with mine during feeding time.

if i could turn back time, and be able to enjoy those moments once again, i'd do it in a heartbeat. then i'd be able to relive all the beautiful memories my kids have brought me. i've been hit with baby fever.
they are growing up so fast. so, so fast. they're in a different season, and while i am enjoying their wittiness, their testing of boundaries, their imagination running wild. i'd give anything to hold their little feet to my mouth and blow raspberries.
i guess i could do that now the same. but who knows if their feet might be stinkier than i bargained for. my sweet little monkeys are my pride and joy.

for now, i have my sweet little niece Suri to satisfy that silly fever. i love when this little princess comes to visit.

do any of you get baby fever every now and then?

linking up with:

Tell me Tuesday

25/75

if you're wondering why my watermark is upside down, it's because the little lady in the middle threw a fit she was upside down in the original photo and mom had to flip it.

when they're not trying to drive me crazy (out of love, i know), my three little monkeys make laugh the hardest.

on our drive home after church one evening, my oldest asked me what my new year's revolution was. no, it's not a typo, that's what he called it. *grin*