be quiet.

lately i've been thinking about life a lot, and the little lessons here and there that i've learned. some not so hard, and some that have knocked the life out of me.

learning to be quiet is one of them. being quiet doesn't come quite easy for me. it's a bit ironic, because i like quiet time referring to the environment around me. no noise, no people.
 but i, myself, don't really know how to be quiet and listen. even when it's just me. even if i'm alone, my mind will be going at a hundred miles per hour and just won't stop. and it's done more harm than not, a lot of the time.
see, if my mind is going at a hundred miles an hour, it doesn't have time to reflect on the circumstances, or the intention of the people around me. and i tend to spew out what my mind immediately thinks of, at times when i should really just be quiet and reflect.

// i think i've shared a couple of times here my heart for my marriage. we have a story. quite a story i tell ya. and it didn't begin with wedding bells, or a fairy tale synopsis. we were young, what can i say. young, immature, blunt, and competitive. as in always wanting to win a fight. always having the last word. throwing out the harshest comment to be up one. for years it was like that, until i realized it was spiraling out of control.

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then one day, just like that, i tried it. i stood quiet. i listened and reflected.
sure the hot tears were stinging because of anger and pain and just wanting to blurt out my words. but many times before those words had caused much damage and were not ones i could take back. being quiet, breathing in, and giving a gentle answer which at many times was in the form of no answer at all, has made a world of difference in my marriage. no wait, a universe of difference from both parts. him and i.

we sometimes want the last word, if they unintentionally hurt, we want to say our words that might give us the lead score. but it never made me feel like a winner. it made me feel like a jerk. every time.

 with the kiddos, it tends to happen as well. i speak too quickly, yell too quickly, assume too quickly. just because i'm the parent, doesn't ever mean my words are the only ones that matter. in fact, their words are really the most important. to lead them, i must understand them. can't do that if i'm doing all the talking. or yelling in some cases. i know i sound like a bad mom, but i'm just another mom trying to figure this whole thing out. with them i need to take that time to be quiet and reflect.

//come to think of it, it's so necessary to just be quiet sometimes and reflect. with friends instead of judging too quickly, just be quiet and hear their story, their heart. quiet your mind down for a few moments. and with God, oh with God, how come I just can't shut up for crying out loud? how come i always want to insert my two cents and not just be quiet and let Him speak? .................... it's a constant struggle, but i'm getting better at it. everyone has something to say, but not everything is to build up or encourage. today i choose to be quiet and reflect.

how about you, do you have a hard time being quiet?

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