nothing but a mustard seed.

boy have i taken a while to write this post. i've written, pondered, edited. erased everything and started again. this was supposed to be the post where i came with flying colored flags and told you about how a recent difficult situation was given resolution. and it seemed like it did, but now it's on standstill.

and that has lead me to examine my faith.

faith.
the bible says if only we had faith the size of a mustard seed we could tell mountains to jump and they'd jump.

and i don't know about you but sometimes i feel like my faith is bigger than a mustard seed, because i mean a mustard seed is pretty small. and in my mind, i'd like to think that i believe bigger than that.
like if it makes me an experienced christian, or something.
and because a mustard seed seems so small, we tell people and ourselves, just have faith. it seems pretty easy to do, like if faith is something you can pull out from your drawer and wear it.

but faith isn't something that you can take a 101 course on. it's something that you have to learn by walking through shadowy valleys. those valleys that seem to never end, and where the walk to where the light begins shining through, is painful and sometimes weary. 

there's no short cut around it.

see faith, i believe goes beyond believing in the existence of God himself. faith is believing He exists, believing He is able, and believing He will.

i have the first two down. the third one is where i get stuck because it also means trusting His timing.
it'd be pretty easy if the Lord would do things the moment we ask for them.
it would mean praying for my husband's salvation, and watch Him come dancing through the bedroom door praising Jesus the moment i said amen.
praying for healing and seeing their pain vanish instantly.
praying for financial freedom, and watching money fall from the sky.

but the truth is that the Lord sometimes delays His answer.
and during this season He's delayed His answer longer than before. and it's been hard. with a capital h.

i read somewhere last week, that God will allow monster sized problems in order for us to see in His rescue, that He is mightier and more powerful, thus strengthening our faith in Him.
because when someone comes through time and time again, you have faith in them. you know they won't let you down. even if it means waiting on them.

and that's where the mustard seed fits perfectly. God wants us to come to Him with our tiny mustard seed sized faith, so that when planted in Him, watered by Him through the waiting, nurtured by Him through the valleys, that seed will begin to grow into a faith that stands strong through the seasons.

each season brings forth fruit. even in a wintery season, where the leaves are bare and dry, the nurturing we are receiving from the Lord in the waiting, strengthens perseverance and steadfastness in us.
those are the fruits that don't allow rotting of our hope.

so. the issue here is not whether we have faith as a mustard seed or not. we do. we all do.
the issue here is whether or not we will allow ourselves to plant that seed in the Lord, regardless of how dark the valley is, and allow for Him, relinquishing all control without a seed of worry, to water and nurture our mustard seed into a strong standing faith. that doesn't move, that doesn't shake.

a tall, standing strong tree doesn't take one or two seasons to grow into it. it sees about a hundred years or so of seasons to be a full mature strong standing tree with its roots deeply into the ground. and even then the seasons don't end.
a hundred years. that translates into a whole lifetime for us.
even when we're mature in age, mature in our walk with Him, the nurturing from His hand through the seasons won't end.
that's how much He cares for us. He is relentless with His love in seeing us grow into what He's planned for us.

and that for me is enough to hand Him my mustard seed sized faith. He takes it and does the rest.

 

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