call me Habakkuk.

patience is a virtue i do not possess. or maybe i just have not given it the time to grow, the seed is there, somewhat.
i grow anxious, i grow desperate in wanting to see my expectations come to life. in whatever area of life it might be. cars driving, my kids getting ready, my dad's business growing more, and God working according to my dreams. all is not fast enough according to me. and i grow frustrated and angry at times.

this weekend, my heart grew heavy in waiting and my heart began to question. what if? why? how? the hot tears just kept welling up and my heart just kept sighing for hope.
i went into a room and there just poured out my heart to the Lord pleading that He move. pleading that He show us what we've been hoping for. and i pleaded for something very specific right then and there.

now i can't sit here believing in a God that is mightier and victorious, and tell you that it was works of pure coincidence. He answered in a matter of less than half an hour, He answered. and not by one but by two.
then my sister texted me a verse:

'Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. ' Habakkuk 1:5

coincidence? don't think so.

i sat and read Habakkuk in its entirety, yep all three books. such a great feat, i know.
and there i found myself to be a modern day Habakkuk. questioning, pleading, wondering, why things don't go according to plan for those who seek Him. Why it seems like those that play us for a fool get away with it, and seem to have peace and rejoice without feeling guilty? why does it seem like God hides His face and refuses to answer our pleading prayers?

there are answers i will not get in this lifetime, i know. there are plans that i hold dear to, that He might take away and it will hurt. there will be fear in me of the unknown. i preach about confidence, i tell my sister to be still and know. but yet i'm running around, hyperventilating trying to find the door that will give the answer. hypocrite.

then when i stop running, even then in moments of desperation, in moments of wondering and swaying, i know i must lean on Him. lean on Him whether my prayers are being answered quickly enough or not. because in His day, He will do something that i, even i would not have imagined. whatever His plan is. i will need to trust. if He is the good almighty God I believe in, His plan for me will be too.

'though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.'
habakkuk 3:17-18