not your typical 'christian' marriage.

at his 29th birthday party

okay friends. before i dive in, i just want you to know that this post has been on my heart for quite some time and for whatever reason or another i've ignored the nudging to publish it. it seemed that maybe it wouldn't be relevant to my blog ,but i know what God wants and it is to speak from my heart to tell His story, and on my heart currently is my marriage.
not to worry. nobody is splitting or anything. in fact things right now are really great. i guess i would say on my heart and the prayer that i hold so near to me is for my husband. i pray for my husband's well being, for his health, for prosperity at work.. but most importantly i pray for his salvation.

yes. his salvation.

he believes in the existence of God, in that higher power.
he does not however live for God, pray to God, nor believes in His power over his life and neither on the promises of God. it's a little contradictory if you ask me, but it all comes back to simply not having a relationship with God. i have prayed for many years that my husband come to the feet of Jesus and I hold on to God's promises knowing He will answer my prayer. all in His perfect timing. it's been so difficult. it's been so painful seeing a loved one not experience that same intimate closeness to the Lord I know. it's been so heart wrenching having to grow patient when all i want is for my prayer to be answered now.
i love my husband with all my heart and it pains me so much that he and i don't share a relationship with the Lord. don't get me wrong. my husband is a great guy and we have a good marriage, but i'd give anything to have him come to church with me and the kids, to see him worshiping besides me and praying with our children.  i met my husband in church, he attended church and grew up somewhat in the church because of his grandparents, then something in our story which is another post, probably a few other posts, hardened his heart and  it's been frozen for a while now. be it that he clings on to it as an excuse to not come back to Jesus, be it that He cannot accept being humble in repentance, whatever it is, he refuses to come back to where he first met the Lord.

i read so many blogs where the husband is a servant of the Lord and if i'm being honest, it makes me a little jealous.

then one day when i was feeling pretty bummed about this, i read a post on the importance of having a godly spouse. (unfortunately the blogger has deleted it) :(
 at first i passed it by because i didn't want the feeling of jealousy rearing its ugly head thinking it was going to go on and on about a godly man who prays with his wife,etc. you can say i was a little bitter that day. or maybe more than a little.though, later in the evening i clicked on it and that's when  God spoke the greatest truth to me: i am the godly spouse made to influence my husband.

i am being used in my marriage to show him the love of Jesus, His grace and mercy. i, even though it gets overwhelming sometimes, have to remember the fruits of the Lord: peace, gentleness, kindness and love and apply all these to my marriage. what good would it do for my husband if i attend church every weekend, lead worship, only to come home and be a bitter wife? absolutely nothing. i'm a work in progress. can't say i'm mother theresa and never raise my voice or get upset at things, but while my prayer is answered, i have the privilege to bring Jesus into my home everyday and inch the gospel closer to my husband's heart. i have realized i am one of the instruments that God can use to speak to my husband's heart about His undying love and forgiveness.

i have declared this year to be the year my husband comes to Jesus feet. i just know it. until then, i will wait patiently on God. now you know it.

i'm a believer, he's semi there. we're not your typical christian marriage and if your list of prayers still has room, i'd love it if you joined me in praying for his return.