when mercy found me.

mercy found me on my bathroom floor.


okay, let me back up a little bit.
if you were to ask me what i'm extremely passionate about these days, i would tell you i'm passionate about Jesus' love and telling others about it.

however, that wasn't always the case. there's no way i could feel passionate about Jesus' love before, because i hadn't felt it before.
it was always existent and reaching out, but i didn't feel worthy of receiving it and therefore didn't.
it wasn't until about around two years ago that i felt that love.
before that time, my heart was completely lost.

i didn't feel loved enough, i didn't feel like i was good enough at anything or for anyone. i felt like a failure and honestly spent most of my days with a sad heart. just going through the motions of the days. taking care of our home as best as i could, of my kids the best way i could and i know that most of their childhood they saw me sad. that breaks my heart into a million pieces.
my family would attempt to reach out to me, my husband and i were always arguing.
my world was a mess. and i wanted nothing more than to leave it. it was too painful, there was no hope, i felt worthless and i wanted out.

that day, locked and sitting on my bathroom floor, i contemplated ending it. i needed to end the pain i felt so huge in my heart that nothing could fill.

but mercy found me on my bathroom floor. mercy reached out to the very deepest darkest part of my heart that day and shone a light so bright that made me see all the lies i had believed.

i wasn't worthless, i wasn't a failure, i wasn't meant to end God's story that day.

for so long, He had pursued me relentlessly, but i was so convinced those lies were true. until His truth shattered the barrier and let His love in.

i finally felt that relentless, forgiving, unconditional, never ending love and my heart began to beat again. it's been beating on fire ever since.

there's a song we sing at church 'cause i never want to go back to my old life, i need you more'
when i think about my old life, where my heart was. i never, ever, ever, want to go back to that.
where i am now is where i was always meant to be, secured and safe in His arms.

and that's why i'm so passionate about this love of His. it rescued me, it set me free, it gave me life again.

**friend, if you are anywhere where i was, know that you are loved, that you are not worthless. i'd love to pray over you. shoot me an email if you need to hear more about this incredible, beautiful love.