when i don't feel like worshipping.

worship leader.

that's how i've been introduced to new people that have visited our church.
but many times, since my parents began this journey that i've been part of, i have not felt as a worship leader, or any kind of leader for that matter.

i mean, a spiritual leader sets an example. a spiritual leader should be blameless, joyful, always content and must, must be immovable in their relationship with the Lord, right?

none of that describes me.

i'm not blameless. i sin everyday. i pass judgement, don't always show mercy and fall back on old habits.
joyful would not represent me in the least on a friday afternoon. after a long day of work, having to hurry home, prepare dinner and rush to service, many at times i have muttered under my breath on the way to church wondering why we even have a friday service. aren't fridays for movie nite? or to relax from a long week?

and you might be wondering right about now, how in the world am i a worship leader, huh? poor congregation right?

oh, oh and while we're at it. what congregation?
we're in the first year of our church plant with literally no support from fellow churches (not because they have refused. nothing on them. another story would be needed on this one) and it has been a very difficult, humbling journey.
our congregation at times consists of seven people. sometimes more than ten, less than fifteen. and when i look out to the congregation sometimes, discontentment begins to sink in and wonder what's the point? what's the point of leading worship in a setting so small?
and there my faith is moved. shocking, i know.

yet, with stomping feet (figuratively speaking, i mean i would never!) , i walk up to the front and as i open His word to begin, His truth comes rushing in. always.

my purpose in this life, is to worship Him. in the good, in the bad. in seasons of famine and drought, and in seasons of bountifulness. there is power in worship. there is power in lifting up our voices, and releasing everything else that has been tying us down. coming into that holy place where He is so faithful to meet with us, and restore our hearts in an instant. coming to the heart of worshp.

how is it after my heart gets clouded with negative thoughts, He is always faithful to meet me there and work in me time and time again? i will be forever amazed.
and is it any coincidence that many at times the songs chosen for the service, have lyrics that speak straight to the state of my heart? pretty surreal and amazing.
there i can proclaim that He is my God, that He sustains, and that He restores.
i am not the worship leader because of what i can or cannot bring to the table. in fact, i'm not the leader at all. i am simply the instrument He's has chosen at this time, to bring Him glory.

and whether it be from the altar or among the congregation, i will do just that.

how do you feel God uses worship in your church?