no more.

via

okay, don't really know how to start this, mainly because i still feel kind of stupid sharing this part of me. 

mainly because i have to admit that something has had a tight grip on me for several years and i've been too naive to recognize it and too prideful to understand that it controls me, much less know how to let go. 

food has been my master. 

and if you were here with me i'd probably feel more dumb crying over that sentence. but it's true. 

i go on diets and last about a week or two tops. and go back to my same routine of shoving cookies, chips, pizza and fast food into my mouth always with the same thought of 'just a little won't hurt.'

to me taking your weight issues in prayer was silly. i always thought that God was too busy to help me in that area because it wasn't an eating disorder. 

now an eating disorder is serious business, and God would of course come to their rescue, but me? i don't have an eating disorder, i just don't have will power or self control. 

in my head, i could control this whenever i wanted to, then i read jami's post.

and i bawled. 

i have been a slave to food. i have been a slave to my desires. i have let self control out the window. 

being totally honest, it's not even about the weight anymore, it's about how lousy i feel when i can't say no. when i can't walk away without taking a bite which turns into two, and then the whole thing. 

that then turned into negative thoughts. jealousy, discontent, insecurity, none of which are pleasing to God.

we all know that verse of 'your body is a temple of God..'

but looking it up and reading the preceding verses in context i was slapped with this:

''everything is permissible for me'' - but not everything is beneficial. "everything is permissible for me" - but i will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12

i cried some more. 

one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self control. i know this, i've taught this. how dumb of me to not realize that i was conveniently not giving that fruit much thought towards this area of my life. 

i want to train my mind with self control. i want by body to crave healthy foods. i want my soul to feel alive ridding myself from negative thoughts.

i am hereby fasting sweets, fried foods, and bad carbs for thirty days. 

i am surrendering these so the Lord can transform me in this area i've struggled with for so long.

#30daysofsalads began monday. 

i'm not eating only salads all day for thirty days. don't worry.

i am replacing my fast food burger or leftover enchiladas with salads only for lunch, and as i progress, maybe dinner, but with the fast, dinner will be a healthy meal.

for me it will be a way to retrain myself in enjoying healthy eating and staying away from what is not beneficial. i know it won't be easy and i will be faced with falling. see some would say, a little is okay, everything in moderation.

moderation is a word i don't recognize when it comes to food. so i can't take that route.

if you wanna follow me on this journey and give me some accountability, i will post my daily salad on istagram and tweet about it. 

possibly i'm thinking i'll do a weekly recap with the salad recipes, but don't hold me to that. 

i included one below today cause i'm the bomb, or because it's super easy.

so there you have it. i've spilled my heart again, but i know that now i will be victorious with it being surrendered to the Lord. 

i will be controlled by food no more.

Strawberry and Spinach Salad

baby spinach

halved strawberries

feta cheese crumbles

pecans

raspberry vinagrette

toss all ingredients together and eat! 

ps. there won't be a healthy you, happy you link up tomorrow. will start back up next week.