forever 21 but not really forever.

(sorry for the quality. phone pics usually look crappy)

there i stood with three contenders in front of me.

i hardly shop for myself because as much as i would like to call it retail therapy, it results in more frustration, which leads to real therapy and that results in me being broke. vicious circle.

after huffing and puffing to pull down the dresses below my hips and tummy, messing up my perfectly pinned bun, and struggling to pull them back off when i decided it was not the winner,

i ended up with the third one, the very one in the back, as it was the most stretchy, and figured with a good set of leggings that would hold it all in, i'd be good.

i hate shopping. because i have to try on the clothing and there lies the problem. standing in that little claustrophobic space with a full lenght unforgiving mirror, i am reminded of my body issues.

it's then that i make a thousand promises to eat nothing but veggies and workout insanely to look like i imagine in my head.

as soon as i get home though, and the ice cream in the freezer calls my name, i seem to forget. i don't accept reality well.

when i'm covered up in clothes, i don't feel the dimples or jiggless there, so i indulge.

i find myself doing this in other areas of my life as well. forgetting the reality and clinging on to this fantasy world. it's kinda crazy. maybe it's the dreamer in me. lessons that need to be learned.

it's a hard pill to swallow, reality is.

i may not ever have the same body i did when i was 21, but also when i was 21, i did not have the three little blessings i have today. motherhood and life itself takes a toll on our body and mind.

but just like with everything else, is part of aging and getting older. i just need to re-learn everyday, that my body is not here forever and i must treat it with care as i was wonderfully made.

what a relief to know things like this won't matter when we're in heaven!