just free.

grace is free yall. completely free.
and each time that i'm reminded of it, it's as priceless as the time before.


yesterday morning, i lost my temper.

teenage years are no easy feat to deal with, and in the early hours of the morning? just no.
i yelled unnecessarily. i dampened my spirit and as i walked out of the store we had stopped at, with a look that clearly told everyone to get out of my way, an older man came up to me and told me:

'i know you are mad, and i know it's hard with the kids. believe me, i know it's hard, but there are ways we can handle our anger. the bible has answers.'

he proceeded to give me a little pamphlet inviting me to seek God's Word.

humbled much? yep.

had i read the Word that morning? no.
had i prayed that morning before leaving the house? no.

and i felt horribly small. defeated. failed. ugly.

i apologized to my kids, but still on my way to work, i couldn't shake it.
i prayed and within my prayer, i asked the Lord to forgive me even though i couldn't give him anything in return. to forgive me, even though i struggle with losing my temper so much.
and yet still driving in to work, i didn't feel forgiven.

i stopped at a gas station to return a redbox movie and i saw him.

looked like he hadn't showered in days, hunched back, lonely.

i don't always, but right then and there, i felt that nudge. you know that nudge. go. buy him breakfast.

somewhere earlier in the week i had read somewhere, coffee might be the only taste they get on their lips all day.

so i went into the store, bought him some fruit and coffee and took it up to him.
he had such beautiful blue eyes. but his face showed signs of a lifetime of struggle and pain.
before accepting the coffee and fruit, he pulled out of his coat and small body spray and handed it to me.

'it's for women, it's for you. take it.' he said.

as i left, i thought of how he must have wanted to offer something in exchange of what was being given to him. because if we accept something without exchanging something, it feels to good to be true. and i thought to myself, i should have told him he didn't have to give me anything. that grace to him was free. and then. boom.

God reminded me. Grace is free.
when we come to Him and ask forgiveness, because of grace, it is given.
no need to exchange anything for it.
no need to beat ourselves up over a lost temper and not being a great parent that morning.
no need to feel like we'll never measure up.

when He offers grace, it's free for taking. just free. no questions asked.

oh how my heart swelled and the tears flowed.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saves daily a wretched like me.

 

 

XOXO

LEAH